Shift

My tumblr's finally up!

www.phantomsnow.tumblr.com

No, I'm not abandoning this place, although it's been filled with loads of negative emotions lately. I'm gonna be posting all the serious stuff here, like my feelings, crappy stuff, and all that. The happy stuff's gonna be on the other side, thought I may think about putting it here as well. Brighten this place up a little, it's not all doom and gloom here!

I think I'm getting back into the habit of blogging!

What now?

Am I really that special?

I'm No Superman

Light up, light up

As if you have a choice

Even if you cannot hear my voice

I'll be right beside you dear

Sometimes, when people are sad, nothing can really bring them back up right away. Not words, not good advice, or even the people around them trying to make them happy can’t make them happy just like that. We should never tell someone to just be happy and forget about what’s holding them down because we’re not dealing with the pain in their heart. It takes time and patience for someone to get back up. It’s not that easy.

I'm not feeling good. Not at all. I'm sick, hurt, alone and lonely.

I'm not really in the mood for blogging right now, I don't think I'll ever be in the mood ever again.

The Fix.

I think I'm going crazy.

I'm seeing repeated numbers, over and over again. Somehow, whenever I look at my watch/iPod/handphone, the first and last, digits always correspond to each other.

It's like some weird, sick symmetry.

I've been seeing signs. Loads of them. But signs of what? I don't know to take it as reassurance, or something different. I don't know if it's right to continue, or give up right now.

To fix a problem, time, patience and co-operation is needed. Unfortunately for me, I'm impatient, time's moving much too slowly, and the other party refuses to reply. It just sucks to be in this position, especially since I've put in so much effort into making this work. Maybe I'm just pessimistic, looking at the darker side of things. But current circumstances don't give me any other choice.

Maybe a catalyst is needed. A spark, an ignition. But.. When. Where. Who. What. Why. How.

So many questions, and I just don't have the answers for everything right now.

This isn't supposed to be emo. I'm not supposed to be emo. I grew out of that self-pitying stage ages ago. Life just likes to throw curveballs at me, one after another. Honestly, I'm getting sick and tired of it. I don't want to live in a roller-coaster anymore. I don't want to fight these conflicting feelings anymore. I just want a resolution.

2010 was supposed to be a good year. Look how it turned out to be.

I don't believe this is the end of it. Yes, I slipped up. Yes, I said stuff I shouldn't have. But I can't help it. That's me. That's how I am, awkward, honest, ignorant, hopeful.

Take this chance. Give me this one last chance. Say something, anything. You know I hang onto every word you say. Give me something to live on.

You won't regret it.

I hope this week turns out to be better. I doubt it, with guard duty, crappy lectures, and silence from those that matter.

I r e a l l y n e e d t o g r o w o u t o f t h i s h a b i t c a l l e d f a i l u r e .

Lightbulb.

Whoooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

This week's been freakin' crazy, I can't even keep up with it all in my head. It's been one of the most tumultuous weeks of my life, ever.

I guess I haven't learnt what God's been trying to teach way. Time for me to learn it the hard way then. Sigh.

I'm expecting too much, too quickly. What saddens me the most, is that everything could have been avoided if I'd listened. If I'd obeyed. If I had faith.

Sigh.

Now life has killed the dream I dream.

This world we live in demands results instantly, there's no room for laggers, no room for slower ones, patience's been totally wiped out from our nature. And it just sucks. The fact that we'll all attuned to this lifestyle, to this speed. Why can't we just take some time, to stop and smell the roses.

And don't you dare say we can just be friends.
I'm not some boy that you can sway.
We knew it'd happen eventually.

I need to fix it all.

Dangerous and Sweet.

Dear you,

I like it when we sit next to each other

and your leg fits perfectly against mine.

I like it when our feet bump,

& we don't apologize.

I like this comfort.

I like this closeness.

I like you.

Cadence.

This blog isn't supposed to be emo.

I really can't blog without music in my head eh? Heh.

Only two more weeks to P.O.P.! Seems so far awayyyy sigh I can't wait for recruit life to be over.

God's been teaching me loads of lessons these few weeks, things I really need to implement into my life. Somehow, it feels forced. Like I don't have any motivation to really change myself, for the better.

Lesson 1. Patience. Nothing ever comes out good when you rush it.

I've been waiting for over a month, and despite my attempts to rush the matter, despite all I'm doing to speed things up, it feels like it's moving at a snail's pace. Guess I really need to learn patience.

Lesson 2. Expectations. God never ever grants you what you expect.

I'm always dreaming of strange circumstances, ideal situations to be in. I never get what I want, but that's okay. I know I'll get what I need, at the end of it all.

Lesson 3. Grace. I don't deserve this.

God's love isn't earnt, it isn't gained by good deeds or the like. It's given. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, it's given freely to everyone, of any background, any race, of any type. There's nothing more I can do, nothing less that can change His love for me.

Lesson 4. Judging. First impressions never change.

Despite every attempt to change my views of others, I always fall back onto my usually accurate first impression. Seems that others are doing the same, and that's not very good. We're all falling into the big bracket called stereotypes.

Lesson 5. Faith.

Lesson 6. Sleep.

A lack of sleep makes HG moody, sullen and downright annoying. I'm gonna work on that right now, nights!

Heartstrings, you're tugging at my heartstrings.

The closer I come to you, the closer I am to finding God.

You're a miracle to me.

Maybe This Time.

This week's been a real roller-coaster ride. In good ways, and bad.

Faith fluctuates.

I really need to be grateful for whatever I've been given, and not to ask for more.

Something I realized about signs. Yes, the Devil may manipulate whatever's in front of us, but we forget that God knows all. He is omnipotent, nothing is hidden from Him.

So, even if the Devil does play around with our minds, it's what He planned. He doesn't place anything in our way that we can handle, nothing that we can't deal with, with God's help.

Peter Chao is hilarious. Really. I think I'm getting high thanks to him. :D

I miss you.

Maybe this time, I'll be lucky.

Maybe this time, she'll stay.

Maybe this time,

For the first time,

Love won't hurry away.

I am the patron saint of lost causes.

I don't know why, but I'm not really enjoying my weekends. It's the only time I have away from that damn camp, but this isn't where I want to be right now. It's not like I'd rather be in camp, away from everyone, but I'm not feeling any positive emotions when I'm out.

I don't know why, but I'm getting really emotional lately, for no reason. I keep thinking, worrying about all that's happening around me, anticipating the worst when I know the situation's not that bad.

Maybe it's the music I'm listening to, maybe it's all that emotion pouring over from previous experiences, but I don't want to be bogged down by anyone, or anything at the moment.

I don't see any explanation for my emotions right now. I was actually hyper on Friday, expecting the best. I didn't get what I wanted, but I got what I needed. Still, I'm feeling down. Very down.

Someone asked me this morning, about my intentions for joining ministry. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea why I joined Outreach. Yes, I got invited to, but I didn't have the obligation to agree, but I did. Why? I don't know. Maybe it was God telling me that He had a plan, but I just don't see it. I don't see it at all. I can't reach out to others, to non-believers. Heck, I can't even reach out to my own parents. I'm seriously doubting myself now, second-guessing everything I do, every move I make, every word I say.

I think I'm gonna cry my eyes out this Sunday night again.

I am the patron saint of lost causes.

Something got me thinking about signs. I've always believed in them, how small things are signs shown by God, His will for us.

But, what about the Devil? After all, Satan's power is second only to God. What if the 'signs' we see are not placed there by God, but put there by Satan? What if we believe in what we see, and end up tripping, and falling over, into sin and darkness?

What if everything you've ever believed in turned out to be a lie?

Just another one of those days.

Today's been real depressing. It's one of those days where nothing really went wrong, but you still feel this hole deep within your heart. It's one of those days where things mostly went right, but you still get that crappy feeling at the end of the day.

Yeah, that's today in short.

My grandpa fell in the bathroom on Friday, and although I didn't show it, my heart stopped beating when my mum told me about it. Apparently it wasn't that bad, he didn't need to visit the hospital or anything like that, but still, it's scary. The fact that your loved ones can fade away so quickly, with one slip, with one slight mishandle.

I don't know why I'm feeling so down. There's absolutely no reason for me to feel like this, given the circumstances and what happened this week. My head's driving me crazy, I don't know what to do, what to feel, what to think.

I'm kinda glad I took time off to walk around, to think through everything, to sort my thoughts out. Time well spent eh?

I've always thought myself as a lion. The animal that represented me the most. Strong, powerful, majestic. Everything I always wanted to be. Now I've come to realize that I'm more of a walrus.

Charming eh?

Lions operate in prides, eg herds, each cat dependent on each other, with the lions acting as leaders.

Walruses live in colonies, but they generally keep to themselves.

I live with many others, but I like keeping to myself. I'm not a natural leader, I'd much rather take the back row, it's much more spacious there.

Lions are fit, strong and fast. A walrus is fat, slow and clumsy. I guess it's pretty obvious which animal I'm more similar to.

Lions spend most of their time with their pride, while walruses live out most of their lives alone.

I prefer spending time with myself, just like a walrus.

I guess I've misjudged myself all along, HG ain't a majestic lion. He's a big old walrus in an identity crisis.

Sorry if this post's messy, it's a reflection of how I'm feeling right now. Sigh.

Oh I didn't realize it's the 24th of April. Oh boy. No wonder today felt so crappy.

Night Of The Hunter.

I've missed blogging. Feels so much different from keeping a diary, yet awfully similar at the same time.

I think I've found a good settling place, in between my two very different personalities. Balance. An equilibrium of traits, those that I need to keep, moving away from those that make me sinful and worldly.

This week in National Service's been quite good, I find myself accepting whatever that's thrown at me, and making the best of what I have. Pushing myself to the limit, physically, mentally and emotionally. It feels good, to surpass what I did before.

I feared that my walk with God would suffer greatly after I enlisted. In reality, it's been exactly the opposite. If anything, I feel much closer to Him, more than ever.

My one-week old iTouch's been serving me real well, Unblock Me's given me a reason to look forward to maintenance periods. With U2 to sing me to sleep every night, what more could I ask for? hehe.

I'm still feeling real confused right now, it's been only a week. I keep looking for signs, but how do I know if they really are signs? The last time I followed what my heart said, I got burnt. Real bad. I don't think I'll be asking my left and right ventricles for advice anymore.

On another, lighter note, I got into the Footdrill Competition Squad. Yay me. As if that's any surprise hoho. And I passed my IPPT, most of it anyway.

There was this very very long post in my NS diary about how God pulled me though everything, but I forgot to bring my diary back. Oh well.

I'm real tired. Expect one update a week from now on, unless I get posted to a 9-5 vocation. Deal with it, that's life. hehe.

New found glory.

I feel very drained. Physically and mentally. I've been really stretched these few days, with temptations coming in from every corner. Both in camp, and back at home. It's worse here, cause there's nothing to hold me back.

I've got a real dilemma, I can't decide between all these choices that stand in front of me, and there hasn't been a sign to which I should go for. This really sucks. There's so much I stand to lose, so much I don't know.

On a much lighter note, I think I'm pretty much set toward a 8-5 vocation in SCDF. My eyes, knees and ankles are too faulty for me to fight fires! So yeah, desk job for me hohohoho.

Gosh, I just realised this blog's been alive for more than a year! Awesome stuff. Thanks for my 4 readers for coming back, you know how much I love you guys, this place wouldn't be the same without you all!

Then again, I've been pretty much inactive for like forever, kind of cancels out much of that one year eh?

10 weeks left! And 3 weeks more to my paycheck and iTouch wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Taking Chances.

Don't know much about your life.

Don't know much about your world, but

Don't want to be alone tonight,

On this planet they call Earth.

You don't know much about my past, and

I don't have a future figured out.

And maybe this is going too fast.

And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say,

What do you say?

I just want to start again,

And maybe you could show me how to try,

And maybe you could take me in,

Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say,

What do you say?

And I had my heart beating down,

But I always come back for more, yeah.

There's nothing like love to pull you up,

When you're laying down on the floor there.

So talk to me, talk to me,

Like lovers do.

Yeah walk with me, walk with me,

Like lovers do,

Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say,

What do you say?

Don't know much about your life

And I don't know much about your world.

What was the price on his head?

I'm kind of finding blogging a chore right now, I don't really have the time nor energy to support this habit of mine.

6 hours of sleep on weekdays are just not enough. Still, I thank God for everything that He's done in my NS life so far.

Had a pretty bad emotional breakdown on the book-in night, felt really confused and lost. The encouragement from all my friends outside really helped, reading all those texts really made me fell better. If any of you are reading this, thank you!

Training's been intensive, but not tough. Nothing I've not gone through before, but I know I'm not doing it with my own strength. Total reliance on God.

If there's one thing I've learnt from my 2 weeks in NS, it's giving everything up, and leaving it all to Him. What He has promised, He will deliver.

There's been some good things from these two weeks. Firstly, the morning view's amazing. Being finally able to see the sky change from total darkness to a pale blue hue is just awesome.

Being so close to nature's cool too, it's nice to just stand by the window and listen to the crickets, the rustling wind, or lie down during PT and look at the flocks of birds flying by.

Got tested in a few ways, and I learnt that patience and prayer is the only way to deal with problematic people and problems. There's no way we can ever fully solve the situation without God's help.

I'm still not looking forward to Sunday, I think I'm gonna get emotionally uptight again.

Oh well, Good Friday to look forward to in 2 weeks!

Honestly, there's just so much to thank God for yeah? My friends, me being in Charlie Company, my OC, PC, PS, APS, my bunkmates, everything.

Yes, there are things that I can't understand, things I can't begin to fathom. Why God did this, why He put certain people in my life. But I'm still gonna carry out His will.

Just like the parable of the virgins, if we aren't ready with the oil in our lamps when our groom comes, we'll be left behind in the darkness, with weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Isaiah 40:31

but those that hope in the LORD

will renew their strength

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

This is my theme verse for my 13 weeks here, and with God's help, I'm gonna live by it.

Justification of faith.

I'm back! From serving the nation, and this break in blogging! Seems that the self-imposed hiatus didn't really last long, I've got real inspiration flowing now, it's amazing how the passion just comes back so quickly.

National Service's been quite.. mixed for me. On one hand, I'm really enjoying my time there, I found a purpose (sorta), I've got great roommates, I'm appreciating every single thing that God has put into my life, in the past, present and future.

On the other side, it kinda sucks to not have hair, it's real retarded to wake up at 4am every morning, and fatigue is really beginning to settle in.

I guess what NS really gave me so far, is perspective. On how God has really, continually blessed me with so much, even though I don't get what I want.

I can't say I'm fully satisfied with where I am now, but I am truly thankful for every single thing that He has provided me with, people, friends, and all that stuff.

I never realized how much my family and friends meant to me until that first night. And yes, real men aren't afraid to cry. (:

There's a lot of choices I have to make now, regarding my vocation, and what I'm going to do after I'm out. But there's nothing to be afraid of, God's with me!

Still, I can't help but think about what could have happened if you'd just accepted me. I'm not asking for anything definite now, just acceptance.

It's a real trying time for many of us, and there's definitely no way we can do it all by ourselves.

I feel like spamming randomly here, kinda fun to see what sorta stuff I'm gonna be typing down. Here goes!

Paramore's lyrics kinda summarize how I feel right now. Crap, I totally should have went for their concert.

My bed is totally awesome, and I really miss my bolsterrrrrrrr!

God is awesome.

Someone should totally make a mash-up of This Is Our God & Came To My Rescue. Hehe.

I miss my music.

I want an iTouch.

I know what I'm gonna do with my first paycheck!!!

I'm kinda looking forward to my (hopefully) dog trainer vocation, but I don't know if that's where I should be.

Wow. That was quite a mouthful.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow and Sunday, I pray it's not gonna be too much on me.

Wait. It's never gonna be too much. As long as I have faith in Him, He will carry me through!

Yes, He will!

I feel so justified right now.

Enjoy the silence.

I don't really feel like blogging anymore. Maybe one day I'll find the passion back, maybe not. I don't know how long this hiatus's gonna be for, a week, a month, maybe forever.

I just don't want anything to do with this right now, anything that reminds me.

So, enjoy this silence.

Words are very unnecessary; they can only do harm.

-Depeche Mode

Dismantle. Repair.

Even U2 and Glee can't lift me up like they used to.

See, this is what I dreaded. Stuck in no-man's land, not knowing where it's gonna go from here, what's gonna happen to it all, how's it's gonna affect everyone.

I'm trying to stay strong, trying to laugh it off, trying to put on a brave front, but like acid, it's wearing down inside of me. Slowly, but surely, everything's gonna come out.

I want to put it behind me, but it's easier said than done. It's so difficult, when everywhere I go, I see something, anything, that reminds me of the whole fiasco.

There's only so many songs that I can get lost inside, only that few distractions that keep me away from reality.

I mean, there hasn't been any backlash of emotions, unlike the last time. But why does it hurt so much more?

Maybe I should have realized it from the start.

It's always been a lost cause, and still is.

Best known for failure.

Now, I'm pushing everyone away from me. This isn't who I wanted to be, this isn't what I had in mind.

Once again, this blog's become a hellhole of negative emotions. Maybe I should just ditch it all, and give up on this concept altogether.

Brings nothing but a burning feeling anyway.

Butter and waffles.

Touch me, take me to that other place.

Teach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case.

It's a beautiful day.

There's nothing I can't thankful for.

There's nothing more that I could ask for.

I keep talking about having faith, but when it really mattered, when my faith was called into question, I failed. I gave up. I didn't have faith.

I'm gonna be away for a while, at least until the dust settles, and everything's okay. Back to how it was.

It's come at the right time.

I'm done with cryptic messages, and ambiguous words.

Bucket list-4/6 complete.

Sigh.

Still, her smile melts butter like a hot waffle.

Glee.

Feels like I haven't been updating for like forever, when in reality it's been only one week. Withdrawal symptoms?

Last three days have been quite fulfilling, made connections I needed to make, people I needed to talk to, places to go, songs to sing, blah blah.

It's nice to realize that my friends still accept me, despite whatever I've done.

Night hike was quite awesome, singing about modern monks without children. It's times & experiences like these, that make me so damn grateful for all the people that God's put into my life, for better or worse.

There's something gratifying about shooting your friends in virtual games, takes your mind off unwanted stuff.

Glee is AWESOME. One of the best shows I've watched recently. I love the way they integrate music into television so easily. Watching it gives me this sense of contentment, and a rush, similar to what I felt when I watched Toradora! . Brings back memories of secondary school, and youngloves.

Seriously, if Fairfield had a glee club, I'd be the first to join. I don't care that I can't sing or have two left feet, it doesn't stop the fact that I have a song to sing, and a message to put out.

Bucket list- 2/5 complete.

One week left to enlistment, I don't think there's any chance that SP's gonna throw me a lifeline. Besides, I never really placed much hope on it. I mean, one look at my record, and they'd be sending my ass out.

There's just not enough time to complete what I need, what I want. Furthermore, there's so much in my way, it's so easy to give up, to abandon this quest altogether.

Failure, a bad habit I've fallen into.

But I'm gonna make this work. One week left, it's do or die.

I will not bow.

Lying here beside me, with arms and eyes open wide.

Late nights aren't good anymore.

Before I forget.

CNY has been quite alright, it's nice to know that people see the progress I'm trying to make.

But hey, I'm not changing to show others, to improve myself in their judgements of me.

I had this talk with my brother about how different we'd be if we grew up closer to my dad's side of the family. One thing's for sure, I'd never be a Christian, I'd never have met the people I have, I'd never be who I am today.

I'm not saying that I'm perfect, in fact, I'm far from it. I'm just marveling at how the Lord works, how He changed my life without me knowing.

I've been listening to bands I'd forgotten recently. Bands like New Found Glory, Armor For Sleep, Green Day, Aiden. After all that time, they still appeal to me, after 2-3 years. I guess I've not really changed, at least musically.

Still, everybody's changing, and I don't feel the same.

This song really means a lot to me, quite the story of my life.

At Least I'm Known For Something- New Found Glory

I'm in and out of conversation

It's hard to keep my attention locked down

So don't take offence to anything i say

I tried so hard to keep you coming back my way

But you don't know that, and I'm the one to blame for it

Cause I'm best known for failure

Best known for giving up

There's nothing that I can say that can matter that can matter enough

Cause I'm best known for failure

Best known for giving up

There's nothing that I can say that can matter that can matter enough

I've figured out my situation

I am an endless source of useless information

Give me bad news 'cause it's already been expected

I let my front down

And i know i will regret it

But you don't know that, and I'm the one to blame for it

Cause I'm best known for failure

Best known for giving up

There's nothing that I can say that can matter that can matter enough

Cause I'm best known for failure

Best known for giving up

There's nothing that I can say that can matter that can matter enough

Lets get down to business now

I'm saving myself the trouble in the end

So lets get down to business now

I'm saving myself the trouble in the end

(Saving myself the trouble)

But you don't know that, and I'm the one to blame for it

Cause I'm best known for failure

Best known for giving up

There's nothing that I can say that can matter

I'm the one to blame for this

Yes I'm the one to blame

Best known for failure

Best known for giving up

There's nothing I can say that can matter

That can matter enough

Nothing that I can say, that can matter enough.

Grace.

I've been slipping up, more than usual recently.

It's so hard to keep myself away from sin, especially when it's all around us.

And, it's Chinese New Year again! I always liked this time, when my whole family gathers together for a day. It's never been about the red packets or goodies to munch on, just meeting up with relatives, catching up, keeping each other updated on our lives.

U2's a pretty good band to listen to when you want to relax. For me, at least.

I had this pretty long post in my head that I wanted to publish. I don't think it's the right time for me to make such judgements.

I'm looking forward to the rest of this week. And the next.

Someone once told me about an extremely bad day that he just went through. My perspective on it? There's no such thing as a bad day. We should take every single day that we have as a gift from God, thanking Him for giving us this chance to live.

Sigh, feeling down again.

Sigh.

Whoever said “what you don’t know can’t hurt you” was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.

The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when Sad tries to bite its lip and not cry and smile and go, “No, I’m happy for you”? That’s when it’s really sad.

Nobody is perfect. Everyone has their own little idiosyncrasies. Some people call those imperfections, but no, that’s the good stuff.

Sigh. There's so much I want to tell you, but there's no definite way to say it.

What time?

And, I'm back! After an almost week-long hiatus. Long story short, Kirsten died on me, ): but I revived her! Sort of.

Quite a bit has happened in the last week, mainly the letter from CPMB. Yeah, they finally decided to post me somewhere, hoho.

Can't say I'm particularly displeased with it, in fact, I'm quite happy with what I've been given.

Gives me something to do for the rest of this year, and the next, for that matter.

Still, it makes matters difficult, especially with this current time frame.

I guess it's just God's way of telling me to hurry it up, and there's barely any time left.

But there's so much I stand to lose. So much I can't bear to give up.

Time to let go, HG. Time to give it all away, and trust God. Have faith.

The Heart Of Worship.

Something else occurred to me today, during worship.

For a long time, I've been really been motivated by worship. But I realized, I'm being motivated by the wrong things.

Lyrics, riffs, beats. All these musical aspects aren't what worship is about. That's what many of us get wrong.

Worship, in the simplest terms, is to praise the Lord, in anyway possible. It's just that the most prevalent form is musical, and that's where the lines begin to blur.

We can just be humming, or speaking words. As long as we have the right motive, to praise God, it's still considered worship.

We can have great guitarists, drummers, vocalists, bassists and all that, but if we're just there to sing the songs, and not realize the true meaning of worship, we're no different from an audience at a rock concert.

Bringing ourselves back to the heart of worship. To truly praise God, through anyway available to us, be it song, dance, poems, or even thoughts. To not get emotionally enchanted by the music, and forget the true meaning behind it all.

We always forget that the Devil is always lurking, even in "holy" places such as churches. He manipulates us, making us believe in the song instead of the praise.

We need to have that heart, that willpower to see through everything, and to find the true heart of worship.

Finding a heart to truly, bless His name.

No Leaf Clover

Today was pretty much awesome. Church, soccer, gay talk with buddies,Iron Maiden & Metallica to sing me to sleep.

I reflected on the sermon Zhan Feng shared with us during cell. While I don't agree with the fact that such drastic action is needed to gain entry into the Kingdom of Heaven, I feel that a lifestyle of repentance is one that every Christian should adopt.

Just like how a leaf will catch flame when put through a fire. It's exactly the same for us. After experiencing the power of Christ in our lives, we have to change, set alight by His Holy Flame.

Another reason to why I don't agree with the sermon. I don't think it's our acts itself that define our place in Heaven. I mean, if we start turning away from sin with the sole purpose of not wanting to be in Hell, isn't that wrong?

Our motives for turning away from sin should be to please God, not to gain entry into His Kingdom. That entry is already guaranteed, after Jesus died on the Cross for the sins of man, and us accepting Him as our Saviour. Turning away from sin should be a natural reaction to that, to shun what God hates, to take ourselves out of our worldly values because this is our purpose, to seek God and to glorify Him through our actions and words.

Surely faith without action is dead. That is key. We can't just live out our lives as carnal Christians, still living in the ways of the world, dwelling in sin.

We have to change ourselves, after being set aflame by His holy flame.

To Tame A Land.

O God of earth and altar,

Bow down and hear our cry,

Our earthly rulers falter,

Our people drift and die;

The walls of gold entomb us,

The swords of scorn divide,

Take not thy thunder from us,

But take away our pride.

From all that terror teaches,

From lies of tongue and pen,

From all the easy speeches

That comfort cruel men,

From sale and profanation

Of honour and the sword,

From sleep and from damnation,

Deliver us, good Lord.

Tie in a living tether

The prince and priest and thrall,

Bind all our lives together,

Smite us and save us all;

In ire and exultation

Aflame with faith, and free,

Lift up a living nation,

A single sword to thee.

Revelations.

Came to me with a serpents kiss

As the eye of the sun rose on her lips

Moonlight catches silver tears that I cry

I'm quite satisfied today, not because I got a lot of stuff done, but because I spent time with people I neglected, but found again.

It's nice to know that after 6 years, even though we've all changed drastically, we're still the same people underneath, all playing our usual roles in this social Venn diagram.

An easy way for the blind to go

A clever path for the fools who know

The secret of the hanged man, the smile on his lips

There's not much time left, I'd better hurry if I'm gonna make it.

Home Port

I think I'm the only mad person to go running at 3.45AM.

Still, the running cleared my mind, gave me a clear path. All thanks to God.

How I Met Your Mother's been pretty awesome lately, although the Mother's gotta be pretty hot to beat Rachel Bilson. I can only think of three women that would qualify.

Said this rather long prayer to God after my run, and I think that's a real sincere prayer. One that doesn't hold any motives behind it, just to thank Him for everything He's done in my life.

Right now, I'm just thankful that He brought me back safely, and for everything He put into my life.

I really need to get some sleep.

4.54AM

One

There's just so much I want to say, but I just can't get my head on order. It's that retarded sensation where you just can't make head or tail of anything in your head, and the only real emotion that you feel is confusion.

I've been moving around quite a bit these few days. So much has happened, in so little time.

I remember the times when my granddad used to take me on long bus rides around Singapore. He'd carry me, sometimes on his shoulders, and take me out to explore the world. Only now, am I appreciating what he's done for me.

He'd hold my hand, carry me onto that bus, to wherever it went, just for the journey, and sometimes destination.

I remember one place I'd always want to go with him. Changi Airport. Little me loved airplanes and air-conditioning, so yeah. He'd always take me to the staff food court for lunch. He'd bring me onto the Skytrain next, place me at the window where I pretended to be a racecar driver. He'd walk with me to the viewing point, where I'd run down the hallway with the airplanes as they were taking off. He'd bring me to a coffeeplace, where he'd drink his cup of coffee slowly, and I'd climb onto the aquariums and try to scare the fishes inside.

These are the times I miss. The innocence of youth. Before the eventual corruption.

On a happier note, rainy night again! :D:D:D 2 nights ago, but who cares.

I originally wanted to dedicate a post to my brother, but I'll do that another time. Not in the right frame of mind to give him a proper ode. This post's for my grandfather instead!

Ah Kong, thank you for bringing me up so lovingly, even when I've been a real pain in the ass to you. Thank you for bringing me to my first movie, for buying me all those toys, for introducing me to music, for teaching me about life's lessons, for starting this love for food, for that love for long bus rides, and for every single thing you've done in my life. I know you probably won't read this, but thank you. You're one of the three people in my life that really changed who I am for the better, and there's so much more I want to dedicate to you.

Imitation's the best form of flattery, or so they say. With that in mind, I'm gonna live a life that flatters my grandpa, one that shows who he truly is, one that gives thanks for all that work that he's done in my life.

I love you, Ah Kong.

That thing that should not be.

Downloaded this album recently. One of the better ones that I've listened to in a long time. I love the way metal and classical music can fuse together, to make such a masterpiece.

I've got a lack of motivation at the moment, and I've got no idea why. This sucks. I need to find something else to take up my time.

Argh, negative emotions again. I need to play some music, listening just isn't good enough.

It's halfway through January and I've got to get myself going, I'm not gonna do achieve anything by sitting here.

Kinda looking forward to the end of the week, meeting up with old friends and all that. Makes me feel nostalgic. Always a good thing.

Been dreaming a lot, & I don't know what to make of these visions I have. There's hardly any meaning behind all those moving pictures and myriad of colors. I pray that I find the meanings and the messages that He wants me to know.

I need to stop being so worked up, learn to relax.

God answers prayer.

Truly, God answers prayer.

I think I've finally found closure on this matter, thanks be to God.

The sermon today really struck me. It sounded as if it was planned by God. His message to me.

And through all this, I can't do anything else, but kneel in the in the presence of God.

The enemy has been defeated,

And death couldn't hold You down.

The intersession and prayer session was good. I'm glad I went for it.

Revealing His plan to me, one step at a time.

Speak to me , O God, for your servant is listening.

Soccer made me realize a lot of things. There's nothing stopping me from getting to where I want to be. I just need that self-confidence in myself, and faith in God. Everything else will follow.

And I think I've decoded that dream.

• Dreams are Symbolic.

If you dream about some particular subject it is not often that the dream is about that. Dreams speak in a deeply symbolic language. Whatever symbol your dream picks on it is most unlikely to be a symbol for itself.

It's got nothing to do with Pulau Ubin, a childhood sweetheart, or earthly love.

It's the story of how He drew me closer to Him, bit by bit.

I think it's a gift. Dreaming. And interpreting those dreams. Really goes to show that there really are hidden messages, just waiting to be found, waiting to be heard.

Lord, bring me to that secret place. That area where I am alone, and truly, listening, and understanding You.

2.08AM

Emotions.

I'm quite.. confused now. I had a pretty decent day, by my standards, but the night just ruined it for me.

I think I should stop pointing other's mistakes out, makes me seem pretentious and arrogant.

But why can't others just realize when they're wrong and change? It isn't that hard, is it?

Arrgh, arrogant little berks. Time to let my emotions go and let God handle the rest.

It's just one of those days where your emotions just go all over the place. I'm ecstatic for fifteen minutes, angry for five, and feeling pretty much melancholic for the rest of the night.

I need to learn how to stop judging. Who am I to pass any judgement on others, when I'm as imperfect as any other out there.

On a less emotional note, I'm quite proud of myself. I managed to get though the lesson without any major problems.

But I still haven't gone through the notes for tomorrow's lesson. I just don't think I'm in the right frame of mind now to focus.

Argh, this sucks. I'm just rambling on and on about stupid stuff. I told myself I'm not gonna do this when I started this blog, it's the exact same path I headed down when I was blogging on my previous blog, a hellhole of rants and negative emotions.

I don't bother if someone else judges me, as long as they have sufficient evidence behind it. It's unfounded accusations that trigger me off.

Sigh, negative emotions again, I need to let all this anger go and let God take control.

It's not easy. I feel like giving up. This is when I really need You now, God. Speak to me. Show me what to do.

No one ever said it would be so hard.

Say what you want,

do what you feel.

Cause those that mind don't matter,

And those that matter don't mind.

I think I got my answer.

NJ Legion Iced Tea

Live, fight

Crawl back inside

Sick, blind

Love left behind.

I'm convinced that I can't buy anything even remotely healthy from the coffeeshop below my house.

Once again, iTunes decided to play around with my playlists again. Songs about love, romance, blah blah, you get the drift.

Well, I got the inspiration I needed, thank God. It's just the matter of putting thoughts to paper, or Notepad, in my case.

It's always gonna be an uphill battle.

• Dreams are Symbolic.

If you dream about some particular subject it is not often that the dream is about that. Dreams speak in a deeply symbolic language. Whatever symbol your dream picks on it is most unlikely to be a symbol for itself.

Came across this article about dreams online. Made me start thinking about dreams all over again, and the one I had last night.

It's been a real long time since I had a dream as real as this one, and I'm glad it happened when it did. Gives me hope, belief in this emotion called love.

Living for the only thing I know.

I'm actually getting really anxious for this Saturday, bad memories are coming in. I'm afraid I'm gonna say the wrong things, I'm afraid I'm not gonna cover the text properly, I'm afraid.

I'm just gonna put my trust in Him, and count on Him to provide, just like how He did on Sunday.

I'm falling even more in love with You

Letting go of all I've held onto

I'm standing here until You make me move

I'm hanging by a moment here with You

I'm kinda disappointed at myself for not doing more to improve our relations, but I'm sure it'll all work out. So many opportunities, and I wasted almost every single one of them. Oh well, get well soon, and good luck with that assignment yeah? (:

Damn, this download's taking forever to complete.

I'm becoming a monster,

Just like you;

After it all,

You'll try to break me too.

Falling forever,

Chasing dreams.

I brought you to life so I can hear you scream.

She's Hearing Voices

The time has come to close your eyes

Still the wind and rain

For the one who will be King

The Watcher in the ring

-Revelations, Iron Maiden

Somehow, I don't feel as drained as I expected. I've either,

(a) Not done enough work in the past two days

(b) Been refreshed and made new in the Lord

Somehow, I think it's a combination of both.

Things to do:

Send email and application

Complete portfolio!

edmund HG. Graymalkin. but i tell u at the end of it all

edmund HG. Graymalkin. your understanding of God will grow and it's gna be an awesome experience

Amen.

I thank God for placing people around me, to help me grow in His word, to glorify His name.

I thank god for placing me around certain people, to help them grow, to show them the way, to introduce Him into their lives.

I thank God for giving me the opportunity to live in eternal life with Him.

When the technicality overrides emotions.

iTunes decided to grow a brain on it's own, and started to play songs that basically had the same meaning,

Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own- U2

You Are Not Alone-Micheal Jackson

You're Not Alone-Saosin

Stand By Me-Ben E King

You'll Be In My Heart-Phil Collins

I guess, it's just God's way of showing me that He'll always be there for me, whatever it is, under any circumstance, any day, any time.

I'm just amazed by how He can devote so much for me, when I've done pretty much nothing to deserve all this.

Come stop your crying, it will be alright

Just take my hand, hold it tight

I will protect you from all around you

I will be here, don't you cry

Amazing love.

Sleep well.

The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.

-Luke 3:9

When Judgement Day comes, will I be cast aside as a fruitless tree, one without worth?

It's these nights when I really hear Him speaking to me, letting me know His will, bit by bit.

And I know it's not the full picture, it's just a small part in the canvas that is His Kingdom.

I'm just happy to be a part of it.

I've been reading a lot, and something struck me about Judas' betrayal. Was it predestined, God's will, or was the betrayal done out of human will? Something to discuss about with the cell this Saturday.

I'm enjoying working, for a change. Not normal work, not a job, just something to occupy me. Preparing Bible studies, writing essays, compiling my portfolio. It's good to do something other than stare at the computer screen.

Say goodnight.

After everything has changed.

It's gonna be one hell of a week. But I know, that God will bring me through it safely.

Today just set the bar for awesomeness in 2010.

Service was great! Worship, sermon, every single thing just fell into place. I like how Pastor Kenneth used music to get his message across.

Leading the Sec Ones was quite fulfilling. Honestly, I had a lot of self-confidence issues. Bad memories from the last time I led, nerves, self-doubt and all those obstacles the Devil puts in our ways.But after the prayer, I felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, literally. I felt as if it was not I who taught them God's word, but God himself.

I don't know how to explain this in human terms, but it was as if He really took over.

Complete surrender.

A melancholy town where we never smile.

To Do List for this week:

1)Hand in DAE application

2)Complete my awesome portfolio

3)Prepare for Bible study with the cell group

4)Prepare for Discovery with the kids

5)Pray

6)Have faith

7)Glorify Him in whatever I do.

I'm having something of a writer's block, can't find inspiration for my essay. But I will have faith in Him, and trust in His Daily Bread. He will provide.

Trust and obey.

Windmill, Windmill for the land.

Turn forever hand in hand

Take it all in on your stride

It is sinking, falling down

Love forever, love is free

Let's turn forever you and me

Windmill, windmill for the land

Is everybody in?

Revival.

12.10AM

Service in sacrifice.

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God?

You are not your own, you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

1 Corinthians 19-20

Note to self: Wake up.

Next week's gonna be hectic, I'm gonna start on my portfolio! And with God's grace, I will get though it okay.

Undisclosed Desires

God will make a way,

When there seems to be no way.

He works in ways we cannot see.

He will make a way for me.

He will be my Guide,

Hold me closely to His side.

With love and strength for each new day,

He will make a way.

He will make a way.

Today was a very good day. I found God speaking to me in the most unlikely of places, from the least expected of people.

And when he spoke, I listened. I think I did.

Brought my brother around for SP and NP's open houses today, and it felt good. To help others. Without expecting anything in return.

A door has opened up for me, somehow. Another opportunity. There for the taking. I guess God really didn't leave anything out, and he made sure that today was fruitful. Thank You, God.

As today passed, I grew confident. Maybe a little too confident, believing in my own abilities rather than have faith in Him. And when that happened, the door shut. One of them, anyway. Just reminds me that I can't rely on my own strength, and it's only through Him, that I can succeed.

I don't know if this is the right path for me, but I will have faith. In His will, His way for me.

But that doesn't mean I can just slack off and expect Him to provide. I need to do my part, for things to fall into place.

You're all I want,

You're all I need.

I'm amazed by the love parents have for their children. All those times, when I betrayed my parents's trust, lied to them, wasted their time and money. After all of that, they still support me, give me a roof over my head, and love me. It's only now, that I understand all the pains they've gone through, just to give me the best.

All that, and I've done nothing to even begin to repay them.

Now, I truly understand the real meaning of family.

& although the path ahead of me may be foggy, filled with doubt and anxiety, I know, that there'll always be people supporting me.

And whatever it is, God will make a way.

On a lighter note, I'm glad to say that there's finally some headway on the Snickers Conundrum. It's not much, but it'll do for now.

I realize that my blog posts are really, more than anything, reflecting on my current state of mind. Now that my heart's fully set on God, almost every post has Christian undertones. Sweet eh?

Yes, I may not be a perfect Christian, but I'm trying my best. Besides, no one ever reaches that peak, that hallowed area of perfection.

And considering the circumstances, I think I'm doing pretty well.

Sorry for the messy content in this post, there's just too many emotions coming out from me now, and I need someway to release it. I promise it won't be like this the next time.

Miss Sarajevo

I've been looking through my Facebook history, just reminiscing about the past.

I came across a few quizzes I took, supposedly to know more about me.

There's quite a bit, scroll down if you don't want to be bored.

Heng Guang took the The Subconscious Quiz quiz and the result is The Drama Queen

You are most likely to be a dreamer, a drama and a flirt. You relish attention and the finer things in life. The grass always seems greener on the other side and you will never stop moving on and heading for the next goal or challange. When it comes to problems you usually hope they'll eventually just go away and you tend to put most things off till tomorrow, so there is more time for you naturally darling! Friends are drawn to you because you dive into situations head first causing a big splash and send waves throughout your networks. If there's any gossip it usually includes you or was made up by you. You must tame your wild side so that work can actually go ahead, living for today is fine, but be careful not to burn the candle at both ends or you'll end up sad and alone - your two most hated things.

Heng Guang took the WHAT MOUSEHUNT CHEESE ARE YOU? quiz and the result is Radioactive Blue

You're rather eccentric, but in a good way. You're quirky and witty, not easy to make friends with, but when you do, your friendship shines like a radioactive glow. Like Radioacitve Blue, you're hard to get, but well relied upon.

Heng Guang discovered his Chinese Astrology sign is The Metal Sheep!

Brief Description : Sheep are often elegant and artistic and like to be part of a group. They are good with people but tend to step off on the wrong foot.

Positive Traits : appealing, altruistic, creative, empathetic, intuitive, generous, artless, gentle, romantic, sensitive, compliant, candid and self-effacing darlings

Negative Traits : self-pitying, pessimistic, fugitive, parasitic, vengeful, lazy, indecisive, contentious, violent, capricious, irresponsible, tardy, careless, bigoted, nasty little pieces of work

Heng Guang viewed his Love Zodiac Profile for the zodiac sign Cancer.

If you are Cancer:

You crave for more and more love. You are very emotional and very romantic. There are no bounds in love for your partner. You tend to have relationships that do not last for a long time. You are devoted and a gentle-hearted lover. You pour your everything in a relationship. Sentiments are very important for you. You do not go overboard in displaying your romantic feelings but you ensure that the object of your affection knows how much you care for them.

To attract you, the opposite sex must be:

expressive, sensitive, romantic, intimate, etc.

You are more compatible with - Cancer, Capricorn, Scorpio, Pisces

You are less compatible with -Aries, Gemini, Sagittarius

Heng Guang took the quiz Your Ice Cream Personality and the result is Wild

You are a bit of a bragger. Your personality is larger than life - and you really enjoy showing off.

You are the type of person who likes to throw caution to the wind. You only live once, so you're going to live as large as possible. You are definitely a wild one!

You are a very open minded, liberal, and flexible person. You love many things. You tend to have tastes that range from down home to cosmopolitan.

You tend to have a one track mind. You prefer not to multitask.

You are fun loving and sweet. You tend to enjoy joking around and teasing people.

I told myself to take all those results with a pinch of salt, it's all just humor.

But I realize, now, that they reflect me quite well.

NOTE: All spelling/punctuation errors above are not mine, I merely copied them from the original page itself.

I think I'm spending too much time on the computer, I find myself trying to Ctrl-F whatever I can't find.

When you cry, I'll wipe away all of your tears

If you scream, I'll fight away all of your fears

And I'll hold your hand, through all of these years.

You'll have all of me.

Second part of Heroes was quite good, I loved the speech Peter made about Nathan. Makes me wonder if Bing Huii's gonna give me such an eulogy.

I don't think I'll be updating as much from now on, I'll be blogging only when I really feel the need to.

Besides, I guess these lengthy posts should be enough to keep you company!

I had this conversation with Alden, Alex and Zhan Feng during church camp, about our ideal girl.

I'm not gonna talk about the rest, private and confidential hehe.

I had quite a few guidelines for mine, here goes.

1.Christian.

2.Appreciates/tolerates metal.

3.Animal lover.

4. Preferably redheaded.

5.Accepts me for who I am.

6.Able to talk about almost anything under the sun.

Funnily enough, I wasn't thinking of her when I listed it then. Thinking about it now, she really does fit into all the above criteria.

But I'm not taking anything for granted, I'll just let Him take control, and I'll see where it goes.

Even if it doesn't work out, I'm sure He will provide.

And no, I'm not attached, although I sound like I am. I'm just feeling the love that the world's pouring out. It feels good.

Too young to live without hope.

I was beginning to see, though, that the unknown wasn’t always the greatest fear.The people who know you best can be the riskier, because the words they say and the things they think have the potential to not only be scary, but true as well.

- Just Listen by Sarah Dessen

I swear, tumblr-surfing's taking too much of my time.

It's nice to kick back, and take things slow for a

while. Takes your mind off all those inevitable monkey wrenches that life throws at you.

Because I'll never let this go,

But I can't find the words to tell you.

First episode of Heroes for 2010 wasn't that bad, but it wasn't that good either. Young Samuel and Joseph were cool, however.

Slash's guitar solos always find a way to take my mind off stuff.

I'm kinda looking forward to Sunday, can't wait to teach the kids. I just pray that I'll be able to have the confidence and wisdom to teach them the right things.

Wait. I'm not the one teaching them. God's the one. I'm nothing but His tool, to further His work.

That's it. It's all about You.

Time to stop living in a world of "what ifs". It's time to go out, and take control.

The Pursuit Of Happyness

It's amazing how things without words can convey so much emotions. Stuff like pictures, guitar solos, scenery and the natural environment. Makes us wonder just how much our words really mean.

To laugh often and much;

To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;

To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;

To appreciate beauty;

To find the best in others;

To leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition;

To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.

This is the meaning of success.

It's nice to see that there are people who share the exact same interests, and have the same view to life as you. These are the sort of people I live to meet. And I believe I've already met one such person, I just hope that our friendship grows stronger with every passing day.

Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion… love actually is all around.

-PRIME MINISTER, LOVE ACTUALLY

I don't feel like saying much now, I'll rely on quotes I found lying around on the Internet.

There is no person in the world who is made to handle every punch that’s thrown at them. We aren’t made that way. In fact, we’re made to get mad, upset, sad, be hurt, stumble and fall. We aren’t supposed to be able to handle everything. But that’s what makes us stronger in the end, by learning from the things that hurt us most.

-UNKNOWN

It's times like these, and these selfless people that help me believe in the power of love. Not romantic love between lovers, but love in it's purest, most basic form. Love for one another, love for the world around us, love for everything.

Right now, I'm just thankful I'm alive, and lived long enough to see this day. If I'm not thankful for this, what else can I be thankful for?

Today's been good, but it's not only the good days that make life worth living. It's everything, all the pain, happiness, suffering, joy, trauma, hope and everything else that makes life, truly what it is.

Thank You, God for making this world a truly, beautiful place, and for giving me a chance to enjoy it.

Dance Of Death

I'm stumped on how I'm supposed to start this blog post. Wait, I just did!

It's been an eventful weekend, and I thank God for bringing me through it with patience, wisdom and faith.

Meeting the Sec Ones was quite nice, some really reminded me of myself when I was younger.

Honestly, I had a lot of doubts when coming for this camp. It was the first time I ever saw the kids, and I totally didn't know who to talk to them, to interact with them, to be their friends.

But when we all sat there at the pantry, I felt calmness come over me. I felt truly, at home with them.

Yeah, there were some awkward moments, but generally, I think I managed to reach out to them, starting this 6-year mentorship.

Spending time with the rest of the cell group was great, especially that night when we just got together and created music. It's funny how people from totally different backgrounds can come together, bonded by music.

And Edmund's rendition of "The Scientist" was awesome. Seriously.

In a world beyond controlling,

Are you gonna deny the Savior

Right before your eyes?

I'm glad I came into this camp with the right mentality. That frame of mind. Gives me a focus, something to reach toward.

On the other hand, it was extremely amusing to see all of us trying our best to set a good example for the kids. Hoho.

YY's birthday celebration was the bomb. Literally.! An aural assault of high pitched noises and sugar highs.

This self-discovery,

Redemption taking hold of my mind.

Keeping my mind on the goal, to live a life in His image.

Sermon on Sunday itself was extremely engaging. Tried my best to keep myself alert during the whole service.

I want to change myself, not just to be a role model to the kids. I want to be a living testimony for Him, and the changes He's done in my life. I don't want to be a different person on Sundays, and revert back to the crude person I was before.

I am merely a tool, used my God to further His Kingdom on Earth. I've always take Him for granted, asking Him for help, only when I need it, using Him for my own goals.

I need to let go, have faith in His plan for me, let Him use me as His tool.

Let go, let God.

I hope the rest of January continues to be just as good. But even if it's not, I will have faith.

Speak to me, God, show me Your way.

The Second Coming.

Turning and turning in the widening gyre

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,

The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all conviction, while the worst

Are full of passionate intensity.

Surely some revelation is at hand;

Surely the Second Coming is at hand.

The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out

When a vast image out of Spritus Mundi

Troubles my sight:

somewhere in the sands of the desert

A shape with lion body and the head of a man,

A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,

Is moving its slow thighs,

while all about it

Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.

The darkness drops again;

but now I know

That twenty centuries of stony sleep

were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,

And what rough beast, its hour come round at last,

Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?