Just another one of those days.

Today's been real depressing. It's one of those days where nothing really went wrong, but you still feel this hole deep within your heart. It's one of those days where things mostly went right, but you still get that crappy feeling at the end of the day.

Yeah, that's today in short.

My grandpa fell in the bathroom on Friday, and although I didn't show it, my heart stopped beating when my mum told me about it. Apparently it wasn't that bad, he didn't need to visit the hospital or anything like that, but still, it's scary. The fact that your loved ones can fade away so quickly, with one slip, with one slight mishandle.

I don't know why I'm feeling so down. There's absolutely no reason for me to feel like this, given the circumstances and what happened this week. My head's driving me crazy, I don't know what to do, what to feel, what to think.

I'm kinda glad I took time off to walk around, to think through everything, to sort my thoughts out. Time well spent eh?

I've always thought myself as a lion. The animal that represented me the most. Strong, powerful, majestic. Everything I always wanted to be. Now I've come to realize that I'm more of a walrus.

Charming eh?

Lions operate in prides, eg herds, each cat dependent on each other, with the lions acting as leaders.

Walruses live in colonies, but they generally keep to themselves.

I live with many others, but I like keeping to myself. I'm not a natural leader, I'd much rather take the back row, it's much more spacious there.

Lions are fit, strong and fast. A walrus is fat, slow and clumsy. I guess it's pretty obvious which animal I'm more similar to.

Lions spend most of their time with their pride, while walruses live out most of their lives alone.

I prefer spending time with myself, just like a walrus.

I guess I've misjudged myself all along, HG ain't a majestic lion. He's a big old walrus in an identity crisis.

Sorry if this post's messy, it's a reflection of how I'm feeling right now. Sigh.

Oh I didn't realize it's the 24th of April. Oh boy. No wonder today felt so crappy.

Night Of The Hunter.

I've missed blogging. Feels so much different from keeping a diary, yet awfully similar at the same time.

I think I've found a good settling place, in between my two very different personalities. Balance. An equilibrium of traits, those that I need to keep, moving away from those that make me sinful and worldly.

This week in National Service's been quite good, I find myself accepting whatever that's thrown at me, and making the best of what I have. Pushing myself to the limit, physically, mentally and emotionally. It feels good, to surpass what I did before.

I feared that my walk with God would suffer greatly after I enlisted. In reality, it's been exactly the opposite. If anything, I feel much closer to Him, more than ever.

My one-week old iTouch's been serving me real well, Unblock Me's given me a reason to look forward to maintenance periods. With U2 to sing me to sleep every night, what more could I ask for? hehe.

I'm still feeling real confused right now, it's been only a week. I keep looking for signs, but how do I know if they really are signs? The last time I followed what my heart said, I got burnt. Real bad. I don't think I'll be asking my left and right ventricles for advice anymore.

On another, lighter note, I got into the Footdrill Competition Squad. Yay me. As if that's any surprise hoho. And I passed my IPPT, most of it anyway.

There was this very very long post in my NS diary about how God pulled me though everything, but I forgot to bring my diary back. Oh well.

I'm real tired. Expect one update a week from now on, unless I get posted to a 9-5 vocation. Deal with it, that's life. hehe.