Who what me?

Imma irregular blogging bitch, yay.

And I'm practically screwed for WDS, whoohoo!

Is it any surprise that I'm not concerned at all? Hah.

Okay gotta stop, else my mum finds me up this late, she's gonna cook me for dinner.

Will blog more tomorrow. I think. Tata.

More is all you need.

Whoowee, I realise I've been updating like huge blocks of text, sort of like a novel. Rawr. 

Didn't get much rest for the past few days, had night cycling on Thurs-Fri. Damn, that was tiring.

ONE Camp's gonna be my focus in this post, not some ambiguous post about random nonsense-sprouting.

Like what I said during reflections with Ocean, I didn't want to go for the camp originally, cause I was tired, blah blah.  But, I made a commitment, and when I make one, I keep to it. Or I try to.

So,first day. I woke up quite late, I think. But I ended up being the first Ocean-er at church. Somehow, I was dragged into Singspiration the day before. It's wasn't because I was unwilling, it's just that I don't feel that I have that presence and knowledge to be leading "worship". Anyhow, we somehow managed to scrape through practice. 

Honestly, me had nerves, lotsa nerves. I like performing, but I was sorta scared? Worship's new for me. But it went well, it was kinda cool to see everyone imitating my actions, and to hear everyone, well, almost, singing with me.

When found out who was in my group, I felt relieved, to say the least. I had like 3 other people from my previous ONE camp group, Anna, David, and Yipeng. So it was like easy to connect with them, but the rest of the group was hard to handle, in short. I hoped, before the camp started, tat my group wouldn't have like any troublemakers, but I just had to be with these two boys from FaithActs. I mean, it's not like I'm racist or anything, one of my best friend's a Malay, for crying out loud. But it's just that I feel that I can't handle these sort of characters, maybe it's my self-confidence, I don't know.

I've got nothing much to say about the following programs on the first day, other than my problems with the two FaithActs kids. They didn't follow instructions, and acted as if they were like kings. I mean, if you want to participate, go right ahead. But don't push it so such an extent where winning is everything. It's just a game, we win, we lose, there's no need to be so competitive.

I know, I'm sounding like a hypocrite here, because I'm like super competitive in soccer, but I don't blame others for everything,(at least I think I don't) and I do admit my mistakes(at least I think I do).

Oh and I found out some things about myself.

1. I must have a shower every morning, or else I'm gonna be dead and sleepy for the rest of the day.

2. Mosquitoes really do like me.

3. I don't need a sleeping bag to sleep, let alone a bed.

4. I can't remember, HAHA.

Day 2 was a mixed bag, for me. Morning was a real drag, was sleepy as hell. Tried my best for Singspiration, but it went all over too quickly. Oh well.

The mass dance was not that bad, considering that I hate dances. I think I'm beginning to change my attitudes toward certain things, one of them mass dances. The two latest mass dances I did were quite enjoyable, but I think it's that company that made it good.

The superhero race was pretty screwed, I got real pissed at the two kids again, argh. Sucks. I had to raise my voice, i.e. RC style, and it's wasn't pretty. Goddamn.

The finale night was good, however. The preps were totally last minute, I didn't even know that we had a storyline to follow. I just cobbled together some random crap, and it worked. This was the turning point of the camp, for me. I saw everyone working together, listening to Anna's, Adrian's and my instructions, and working together. And the fact that the act came out okay was nice as well.

Third day was like really lifeless. Got sorta pissed AGAIN, kids didn't want to help clear the damn canteen. Gosh, I really have to control my temper.

Was kinda surprised when my group won second, I was expecting first not. I thought we screwed it up at the race, but I think we did well, considering the problems we had, such as not having a person to really take charge all the way and bond the whole group, and friction between members in the group. 

In all, I felt this camp was not that bad, although last year's was better. I actually missed them badly then, now, I just can't wait to get onto my bed. It's not that my group didn't bond well, we actually did, but it's just that I couldn't wait to see the backs of some of them.

What was my aim during this camp? I wanted to find direction. Did i find direction? No, but I found other things. I found out that I can't just stick to one group of people, there're others that need me there, for one reason or another.

Anything else that I achieved from this camp? Unity, I feel. I felt that Ocean really bonded, at least those that went. I think they all know my name now, I don't know about the spelling part, haha. 

After camp was the shitzzz. Funny as hell, not just the Fairfield parts. I realized that we Ocean-ers actually do have lots of things in common, we just need to find it.

I still need my direction, and I really do need sleep. Sorry people for boring you for this long novel again, but don't expect me to change. Live with it. :)

Night lights and silence.

Today was a different experience, to say the least. I never tried Arab food before.

I always preferred nighttime to the day. It's a lot quieter, and allows me room to think. Or just to relax and listen to music.

That was written last Wed, but I never had the inspiration to finish it.

Just found out that Alden has a blog. Shows how much I really "know" about my friends. I swear, Deric and Syad's gonna come up with a joint blog next.

It sucks, to be let down by others that you trust. And to let down those that trust you.

I had this sort of awakening on Saturday. I was at my granduncle's place, I think. Anyway, it's some huge private estate sort of place. Architecture was like wtf. Looked like something out of my dreams. Totally surreal. 

Yeah, so I met up with my cousins, and caught up with them. Most of them went home early, and that left a few of us, me, my brother, Carissa, Alissa, Leonard & Leonara(LOL).

Most of them fell asleep, Carissa and I went to join the big ones at the dining table. They were having this discussion about religion.  It was like a freaking debate. There were like two sides, each headed by one of my granduncles. Uncle Jimmy was representing the Buddhist/Non-Christian sides, while Uncle Peter was representing the Christian side.

I listened, thought about it, and even though I'm feeling quite confused about my beliefs right now, I come out in support of Christianity. I don't know why, but I just did. I felt as if I was being called to open the eyes of Uncle Jimmy. Totally random yes?

I'm still feeling extremely confused right now, and I need answers.

I realised that Carissa and I have quite a lot of similarities, hah.

The apartment's still beautiful, though. The view from the rooftop is just amazing.

Friends. How many of the people I know, and count as friends will actually help me when I need help.

Although I love my friends in TP, those at Anfield and FMSS still come before them. I've known most of the Anfielders for almost 3 years, and shared more than just 100plus with them. People like Deric, Syad, Alex, Alden. They've been around for almost 8 years, and will probably be around for the next 8. That's not saying that I don't value my TP friends, I love them lots too. But 10, 15 years down the road, who are the people that's gonna be at my side?

Damn.

*And what's up with all those How Well Do You Know Me quizzes lol. Everyone's putting such retarded questions, me included. Just because I don't know what's your favorite pizza topping doesn't mean that I don't know you well. Doesn't like 12 years of cousin-ship count?Meh.

I found something else to do in the holidays, other than gaming and soccer. Completing Season 4 of Prison Break. Just because I've read the wiki, doesn't mean I know everything about it.

And Robert Knepper's been cast in Heroes! OMG. My favorite character in Prison Break's in my favorite show! The carnival busker's my favorite character even before I've seen him. This is what killing Nathan off does to you, goddamn.

I need to sleep if I am to wake up for soccer @ SAFRA tomorrow.

*This is referring to my cousin, Gabriel. What a freaking gay, with all those retarded questions.

Indestructible.

Whoo yeah tests are over, and I'm feeling better. Mood's been lifted recently, due to certain events, hah.

I saw this post Joel Yeo made, quite inspirational. Imma copy and paste it, who gives about plagiarism.

friends be friends. i think my perspective of friends are changing. and this post is about sharing what i think.

what are friends for? party? fun? laughing together? enjoying each other's company? sitting down and talking about problems? talking about old times past?

i think friends share common topics of life. and that's what makes friends. if there's no common topic, i think the friendship would be baseless, meaningless and would thus crumble.

friends are there for each other when he/she needs help. i dont know, but i always try to make an effort.

people who talk shit behind my back, people who aren't trustworthy, people who turn me away, people who ask me to fuck off when i have good intents, people who treat me like nothing, take me for granted, these are just people. these mere fuckers are people, i will not get close to and even avoid, cause they bring harm to me..

take me for who i am. i am straightforward, one who speaks my mind. i am crazy and retarded, i laugh out loud, i treat my friends nice and i bastard those whom i dislike. thats me, for now..

This is essentially, almost everything I think of friends. Of course, my traits differ from Joel's, but you get the drift.

People who take you for who you really are, people who don't give a shit about your shortcomings, people who are there for you, those that really care. Those that would spend half the night talking to you, those that only want you to do well, those that stand by you. These are your real friends.

On another note, TP life has been real great, first two months were amazing. True, there's some annoying things about TP, least of all the transport, but I'm really enjoying my time here. TP gives this sense of family, much like FMSS. In TP, you're made to feel like you're part of them, compared to NP, where everyone's pretty much like everyone else.

One year wasted, I'm not gonna waste any more.

do what you want,
say what you feel ,
because those who mind don't matter, 
and those who matter dont mind.

Aqueous Transmisson.

Gosh, I miss those times.

Oh and Green Day's new album's quite good.

You walk on like a woman in suffering
Won't even bother now to tell me why
You come alone, letting all of us savor the moment
Leaving me broken another time
You come on like a bloodstained hurricane
Leave me alone, let me be this time
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption
I don't want to mention, the reason I know

That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run

You don't know what your power has done to me
I want to know if I'll heal inside
I can't go on with a holocaust about to happen
Seeing you laughing another time
You'll never know why your face has haunted me
My very soul has to bleed this time
Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses
Leaving me breathless, the reason I know

That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run

Into the abyss will I run

You walk on like a woman in suffering
Won't even bother now to tell me why
You come alone, letting all of us savor the moment
Leaving me broken another time
You come on like a bloodstained hurricane
Leave me alone, let me be this time
You carry on like a holy man pushing redemption
I don't want to mention, the reason I know

That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run

Into the abyss will I run
I can't let you go
Yes I am stricken and can't let you go