Dangerous and Sweet.

Dear you,

I like it when we sit next to each other

and your leg fits perfectly against mine.

I like it when our feet bump,

& we don't apologize.

I like this comfort.

I like this closeness.

I like you.

Cadence.

This blog isn't supposed to be emo.

I really can't blog without music in my head eh? Heh.

Only two more weeks to P.O.P.! Seems so far awayyyy sigh I can't wait for recruit life to be over.

God's been teaching me loads of lessons these few weeks, things I really need to implement into my life. Somehow, it feels forced. Like I don't have any motivation to really change myself, for the better.

Lesson 1. Patience. Nothing ever comes out good when you rush it.

I've been waiting for over a month, and despite my attempts to rush the matter, despite all I'm doing to speed things up, it feels like it's moving at a snail's pace. Guess I really need to learn patience.

Lesson 2. Expectations. God never ever grants you what you expect.

I'm always dreaming of strange circumstances, ideal situations to be in. I never get what I want, but that's okay. I know I'll get what I need, at the end of it all.

Lesson 3. Grace. I don't deserve this.

God's love isn't earnt, it isn't gained by good deeds or the like. It's given. No matter what I do, no matter what I say, it's given freely to everyone, of any background, any race, of any type. There's nothing more I can do, nothing less that can change His love for me.

Lesson 4. Judging. First impressions never change.

Despite every attempt to change my views of others, I always fall back onto my usually accurate first impression. Seems that others are doing the same, and that's not very good. We're all falling into the big bracket called stereotypes.

Lesson 5. Faith.

Lesson 6. Sleep.

A lack of sleep makes HG moody, sullen and downright annoying. I'm gonna work on that right now, nights!

Heartstrings, you're tugging at my heartstrings.

The closer I come to you, the closer I am to finding God.

You're a miracle to me.

Maybe This Time.

This week's been a real roller-coaster ride. In good ways, and bad.

Faith fluctuates.

I really need to be grateful for whatever I've been given, and not to ask for more.

Something I realized about signs. Yes, the Devil may manipulate whatever's in front of us, but we forget that God knows all. He is omnipotent, nothing is hidden from Him.

So, even if the Devil does play around with our minds, it's what He planned. He doesn't place anything in our way that we can handle, nothing that we can't deal with, with God's help.

Peter Chao is hilarious. Really. I think I'm getting high thanks to him. :D

I miss you.

Maybe this time, I'll be lucky.

Maybe this time, she'll stay.

Maybe this time,

For the first time,

Love won't hurry away.

I am the patron saint of lost causes.

I don't know why, but I'm not really enjoying my weekends. It's the only time I have away from that damn camp, but this isn't where I want to be right now. It's not like I'd rather be in camp, away from everyone, but I'm not feeling any positive emotions when I'm out.

I don't know why, but I'm getting really emotional lately, for no reason. I keep thinking, worrying about all that's happening around me, anticipating the worst when I know the situation's not that bad.

Maybe it's the music I'm listening to, maybe it's all that emotion pouring over from previous experiences, but I don't want to be bogged down by anyone, or anything at the moment.

I don't see any explanation for my emotions right now. I was actually hyper on Friday, expecting the best. I didn't get what I wanted, but I got what I needed. Still, I'm feeling down. Very down.

Someone asked me this morning, about my intentions for joining ministry. Honestly, I have absolutely no idea why I joined Outreach. Yes, I got invited to, but I didn't have the obligation to agree, but I did. Why? I don't know. Maybe it was God telling me that He had a plan, but I just don't see it. I don't see it at all. I can't reach out to others, to non-believers. Heck, I can't even reach out to my own parents. I'm seriously doubting myself now, second-guessing everything I do, every move I make, every word I say.

I think I'm gonna cry my eyes out this Sunday night again.

I am the patron saint of lost causes.

Something got me thinking about signs. I've always believed in them, how small things are signs shown by God, His will for us.

But, what about the Devil? After all, Satan's power is second only to God. What if the 'signs' we see are not placed there by God, but put there by Satan? What if we believe in what we see, and end up tripping, and falling over, into sin and darkness?

What if everything you've ever believed in turned out to be a lie?