New found glory.

I feel very drained. Physically and mentally. I've been really stretched these few days, with temptations coming in from every corner. Both in camp, and back at home. It's worse here, cause there's nothing to hold me back.

I've got a real dilemma, I can't decide between all these choices that stand in front of me, and there hasn't been a sign to which I should go for. This really sucks. There's so much I stand to lose, so much I don't know.

On a much lighter note, I think I'm pretty much set toward a 8-5 vocation in SCDF. My eyes, knees and ankles are too faulty for me to fight fires! So yeah, desk job for me hohohoho.

Gosh, I just realised this blog's been alive for more than a year! Awesome stuff. Thanks for my 4 readers for coming back, you know how much I love you guys, this place wouldn't be the same without you all!

Then again, I've been pretty much inactive for like forever, kind of cancels out much of that one year eh?

10 weeks left! And 3 weeks more to my paycheck and iTouch wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

Taking Chances.

Don't know much about your life.

Don't know much about your world, but

Don't want to be alone tonight,

On this planet they call Earth.

You don't know much about my past, and

I don't have a future figured out.

And maybe this is going too fast.

And maybe it's not meant to last,

But what do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say,

What do you say?

I just want to start again,

And maybe you could show me how to try,

And maybe you could take me in,

Somewhere underneath your skin?

What do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say,

What do you say?

And I had my heart beating down,

But I always come back for more, yeah.

There's nothing like love to pull you up,

When you're laying down on the floor there.

So talk to me, talk to me,

Like lovers do.

Yeah walk with me, walk with me,

Like lovers do,

Like lovers do.

What do you say to taking chances,

What do you say to jumping off the edge?

Never knowing if there's solid ground below

Or hand to hold, or hell to pay,

What do you say,

What do you say?

Don't know much about your life

And I don't know much about your world.

What was the price on his head?

I'm kind of finding blogging a chore right now, I don't really have the time nor energy to support this habit of mine.

6 hours of sleep on weekdays are just not enough. Still, I thank God for everything that He's done in my NS life so far.

Had a pretty bad emotional breakdown on the book-in night, felt really confused and lost. The encouragement from all my friends outside really helped, reading all those texts really made me fell better. If any of you are reading this, thank you!

Training's been intensive, but not tough. Nothing I've not gone through before, but I know I'm not doing it with my own strength. Total reliance on God.

If there's one thing I've learnt from my 2 weeks in NS, it's giving everything up, and leaving it all to Him. What He has promised, He will deliver.

There's been some good things from these two weeks. Firstly, the morning view's amazing. Being finally able to see the sky change from total darkness to a pale blue hue is just awesome.

Being so close to nature's cool too, it's nice to just stand by the window and listen to the crickets, the rustling wind, or lie down during PT and look at the flocks of birds flying by.

Got tested in a few ways, and I learnt that patience and prayer is the only way to deal with problematic people and problems. There's no way we can ever fully solve the situation without God's help.

I'm still not looking forward to Sunday, I think I'm gonna get emotionally uptight again.

Oh well, Good Friday to look forward to in 2 weeks!

Honestly, there's just so much to thank God for yeah? My friends, me being in Charlie Company, my OC, PC, PS, APS, my bunkmates, everything.

Yes, there are things that I can't understand, things I can't begin to fathom. Why God did this, why He put certain people in my life. But I'm still gonna carry out His will.

Just like the parable of the virgins, if we aren't ready with the oil in our lamps when our groom comes, we'll be left behind in the darkness, with weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Isaiah 40:31

but those that hope in the LORD

will renew their strength

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,

they will walk and not be faint.

This is my theme verse for my 13 weeks here, and with God's help, I'm gonna live by it.

Justification of faith.

I'm back! From serving the nation, and this break in blogging! Seems that the self-imposed hiatus didn't really last long, I've got real inspiration flowing now, it's amazing how the passion just comes back so quickly.

National Service's been quite.. mixed for me. On one hand, I'm really enjoying my time there, I found a purpose (sorta), I've got great roommates, I'm appreciating every single thing that God has put into my life, in the past, present and future.

On the other side, it kinda sucks to not have hair, it's real retarded to wake up at 4am every morning, and fatigue is really beginning to settle in.

I guess what NS really gave me so far, is perspective. On how God has really, continually blessed me with so much, even though I don't get what I want.

I can't say I'm fully satisfied with where I am now, but I am truly thankful for every single thing that He has provided me with, people, friends, and all that stuff.

I never realized how much my family and friends meant to me until that first night. And yes, real men aren't afraid to cry. (:

There's a lot of choices I have to make now, regarding my vocation, and what I'm going to do after I'm out. But there's nothing to be afraid of, God's with me!

Still, I can't help but think about what could have happened if you'd just accepted me. I'm not asking for anything definite now, just acceptance.

It's a real trying time for many of us, and there's definitely no way we can do it all by ourselves.

I feel like spamming randomly here, kinda fun to see what sorta stuff I'm gonna be typing down. Here goes!

Paramore's lyrics kinda summarize how I feel right now. Crap, I totally should have went for their concert.

My bed is totally awesome, and I really miss my bolsterrrrrrrr!

God is awesome.

Someone should totally make a mash-up of This Is Our God & Came To My Rescue. Hehe.

I miss my music.

I want an iTouch.

I know what I'm gonna do with my first paycheck!!!

I'm kinda looking forward to my (hopefully) dog trainer vocation, but I don't know if that's where I should be.

Wow. That was quite a mouthful.

I'm really looking forward to tomorrow and Sunday, I pray it's not gonna be too much on me.

Wait. It's never gonna be too much. As long as I have faith in Him, He will carry me through!

Yes, He will!

I feel so justified right now.

Enjoy the silence.

I don't really feel like blogging anymore. Maybe one day I'll find the passion back, maybe not. I don't know how long this hiatus's gonna be for, a week, a month, maybe forever.

I just don't want anything to do with this right now, anything that reminds me.

So, enjoy this silence.

Words are very unnecessary; they can only do harm.

-Depeche Mode

Dismantle. Repair.

Even U2 and Glee can't lift me up like they used to.

See, this is what I dreaded. Stuck in no-man's land, not knowing where it's gonna go from here, what's gonna happen to it all, how's it's gonna affect everyone.

I'm trying to stay strong, trying to laugh it off, trying to put on a brave front, but like acid, it's wearing down inside of me. Slowly, but surely, everything's gonna come out.

I want to put it behind me, but it's easier said than done. It's so difficult, when everywhere I go, I see something, anything, that reminds me of the whole fiasco.

There's only so many songs that I can get lost inside, only that few distractions that keep me away from reality.

I mean, there hasn't been any backlash of emotions, unlike the last time. But why does it hurt so much more?

Maybe I should have realized it from the start.

It's always been a lost cause, and still is.

Best known for failure.

Now, I'm pushing everyone away from me. This isn't who I wanted to be, this isn't what I had in mind.

Once again, this blog's become a hellhole of negative emotions. Maybe I should just ditch it all, and give up on this concept altogether.

Brings nothing but a burning feeling anyway.

Butter and waffles.

Touch me, take me to that other place.

Teach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case.

It's a beautiful day.

There's nothing I can't thankful for.

There's nothing more that I could ask for.

I keep talking about having faith, but when it really mattered, when my faith was called into question, I failed. I gave up. I didn't have faith.

I'm gonna be away for a while, at least until the dust settles, and everything's okay. Back to how it was.

It's come at the right time.

I'm done with cryptic messages, and ambiguous words.

Bucket list-4/6 complete.

Sigh.

Still, her smile melts butter like a hot waffle.